“In my memories” — first new video in 6 years! 🎥

As Shea jokingly pointed out to me when proofing this text, it takes longer to read the description than it does to watch the video! So please by all means watch the video first! At YouTube or in the embed below. Then read the additional text if you have time…

It's my first new music video in six years! Watch “In my memories” off To touch the milky way. I conceived, shot & edited this rumination on the passing of time, nostalgia, regret and loss with the help of my three great actors. Shot over the course of two year, it stars Dan Von Hoyel (vocalist/songwriter from the bands Harmjoy and Titans) and fellow adult industry performer Mercy West.

Sam explains, “The piece began when I shot a half-minute phone-video of Mercy splashing & diving underwater at a rubber fetish pool party. A few months later, a piano part I played in the studio felt to me like it was about ‘memories’ — those seconds of Mercy in the pool inspired the direction of the music and then the lyrics I wrote. It’s a character’s first person narrative thinking back to the summer when he was 23 and enjoying a nothing-special — and yet everything-so-special — afternoon with his lover. It moves me seeing the raw emotions Dan brought to his performance. How often do you see men cry in tv or film? In our culture, men are considered weak when they show feelings other than anger. It’s still not common for them to tear up and display their loss or sorrow. I like that we captured that; it gets to the core of the song.”

Watch the video at youTube:


Sam fills in the backstory:

The piece began with a half-minute phone-video of Mercy splashing & diving underwater at a rubber fetish pool party. A few months later, a piano part I played in the studio felt to me like it was about ‘memories’ — those seconds of Mercy in the pool inspired the direction of the music and then the lyrics I wrote. It’s a character’s first person narrative thinking back to the summer when he was 23 and enjoying a nothing-special — and yet everything-so-special — afternoon with his lover. In the second half of the song, I brought in an idea my son and I discussed at the time: if there could be a way for people to re-experience an earlier time of their lives and relive those pleasurable moments, would they ever want to come out of it and get back to reality? Or would everyone be in their chair with a helmet on (and drugs in their veins), reliving their first love, that afternoon by the pool, and that weekend at the cabin?

The music/lyrics came together quickly in November 2017; I imagined Oscar would sing the song (he sang on the previous Black Tape For A Blue Girl album, These fleeting moments). One of my son’s friends, Ari, looked a lot like how I remembered Oscar from back in the 80s. Ari was in town for the holidays; I shot footage of him in the backyard to use as flashback scenes interspersed with Mercy in the pool — all in preparation to shoot the rest of the video when Oscar came to Portland to record the album. As time passed, Michael Plaster became the vocalist on To touch the milky way. Now I had a dilemma: I had scenes with Ari as the young version of the character, but Michael didn’t look like Ari, and he didn’t want to be on camera, anyway. I wondered who I could work with to finish the clip.

Procrastination set in. The album was released in November of 2018. The piece remained unfinished.

Before any of that, I had met Dan Von Hoyel (vocalist/songwriter from the bands Harmjoy and Titans) at a Kink.com event. Mercy already knew Dan as they’re both adult industry performers. Around the time the Milky Way album was released, it occurred to me that Dan would be a good choice to play the grown-up version of the character in the song. Christmas Eve 2018, Dan was in Portland; I shot his scenes with Mercy. Dan was going through some stuff at the moment which inspired his interpretation of his character’s sadness and pain. The song is about the loss and longing we feel for our past.

Dan brought that!

It moves me seeing the raw emotions Dan brought to his performance. How often do you see men cry in tv or film? In our culture, men are considered weak when they show feelings other than anger. It’s still not common for them to tear up and display their heartache or sorrow. I like that we captured that; it gets to the core of the song.

I edited the new scenes with Dan & Mercy, then procrastination set in again. I knew there were pick-up shots of Mercy I wanted to add, but my work at Projekt, adopting a new kitty, an instrumental collaboration, and a few Kickstarters took me away from the video. A couple of weeks ago I was scrolling down my Instagram and saw an image I shot of Mercy in the dress from the video. I realized it was creeping up on 2 years since I started — I had to get the piece done. Last week we shot the missing graveyard scenes. I finished the edit, and now — two years later — the video is out!

You’ll notice one result of my procrastination: Mercy has three different hairstyles / hair colors. I think that actually helps the idea of time passing and memory. I like the moods, the nostalgia, the moments of feeling on the character’s faces. I like what this story is telling me.

you’re twenty-three again, in my backyard
laughing by the pool, diving underwater
you come up and smile at me, in my memories
what if we could go back there, and i could hold you?
what if it was that summer again, and it felt like it was real?
so damn real! i taste your kisses
the water on your lips, you’re drippin’ all over my feet again
maybe we’d stay there, and maybe we’d never come back
maybe we’d always be there
maybe i’m there, and i want to be trapped in my memories
maybe i’m lost, beneath the planks
or that time in the cabin, or slithering naked across a thousand blades
or slithering naked across a thousand blades
or slithering naked across a thousand blades
or slithering naked across a thousand blades…


What else is going on?

I’m almost done designing the 2CD Ashes in the brittle air (expanded edition). Still a few things to finalize and I have to proof the disc 2 DDP master; then it’s off to the pressing plant. I proofed the LP test pressings and turned in the cover pdfs last week; I’m excited how quick the progress has been.

Next week I’m ordering a reprint of The Rope T-shirt. If you’d like one, preOrder at the BlackTape bandcamp page.

November 19 was #ThankYouPatronsDay. My faith in making art was rekindled when I started connecting to my patrons in 2011. My Kickstarter and Bandcamp patrons allow me to release the music of Black Tape For A Blue Girl and my solo projects. Thanks so much for your support.

I've added some more live photos to the Gigography page. I also added a missing performance (Friday May 24 2002 | Virgin Megastore instore ~ New York City) which brings the show count to 150! Do you have photos of us live? If so, please get in touch.

Have a great holiday. I hope you're day won't be too stressful.