Before we discuss your music, I would first like to ask you about your writing, the only the flesh, the pink and tan. Did this work emerge out of ideas developed within your music, or is it a separate idea standing by itself? How does it fit into the totality of your artistic expression? Have you written other standalone texts?

in the past, i have kept journals of my thoughts and experiences. this is the source for most of my lyrics. i keep this book of my feelings and after i compose music, i search through these writings for words which i feel conveys the emotion of the song i am working on. over thanksgiving of 1986, i was at school in my dorm room . . . when everyone else had gone home for break. i spent my week editing a short film entitled faith, and writing this long stream-of-conscious story in my journal. some bits of it were edited and collaged onto songs for mesmerized by the sirens. but i felt that the whole thing made some sort of demented sense . . . so i decided to release it as the only flesh, the pink and tan.

i think that it represents what happens if you sit in a room for many hours and write a short, unformulated story. i wouldn't say that it is the best thing i have written, though fans often tell me they like it a lot. i suppose there are many things i would change about it now . . . which isn't the case with my music . . . so my feelings are a bit mixed about it.

i have written a short book titled molten desire and mother's milk seeps droplets. actually, it was written during the first few months of my love for susan . . . back in 1990. i am really hoping that i will release it later this year. but sometimes so many other things get in my wayŠ (this book eventually became "the first pain to linger" in 1996)

much of the rope was written when i moved to california, leaving my past behind. during this period, i was obsessed with robin, who lived in florida and seemingly couldn't care for me. i stewed in my isolation, trying to come to an understanding of why the only thing that mattered to me - out of my twenty years in florida - was a girl i had only known for a month and a half. living in isolation (i only had a few developing friendships) gave me TOO MUCH time for introspection. and the album that resulted was very concentrated on this feeling of abandonment and desperation. i think that because the first two albums were recorded in short six-month bursts, they really captured how i felt at that moment. they are very accurate in capturing my desperation . . . the last three were written over longer periods, and my feelings have changed, so the album's feelings are different.

when i was recording the rope, there were songs that didn't fit. either because at that time i was limited to a 45 minute vinyl album . . . or they were more sequencer and electronics. thematically, they just seemed a bit out of place alongside the rope songs, but they could have been modified and i could have written lyrics for them. i wouldn't consider them seperate entities . . . just pieces that were perhaps not quite appropriate. "fragments of benediction" and "kathryn" were long pieces that i composed for videos i was working on. they just were too BIG to include. i didn't want to make an "electronic music" album, which is the sort of music i wrote before moving to california. it was a definite decision to leave these songs off the rope. i suppose that it could have been a double record, but that would seem too ambitious. the album has an emotional core, which i think would have been lost if it had included another disc of instrumental music. the song that is called "the holy terrors" used to be about six minutes long. it had a lot of lyrics, which were written after i read jean cocteau's book by the same name. but in the editing process, that was thrown away. because i had a definite idea of where the album should end up. and that same decision process led me to seperate before the buildings fell from the rope.

fragments is a collection of the videos i did when i was in school, except for a wonderful 30 minute piece that i am not allowed to show because the main character was portrayed by a very annoying guy who is a S.A.G. member. the goal was to create visuals without a neccesarily narrative story line, forcing the viewer to construct some sort of reality from the images. It is very open-ended, rather than the limited boring plots that appear on MTV. it pretty-much annoyed all my classmates. they would say "oh, it's pretty . . . but what does it mean?" and i'd throw it back at them and say "what do you think it means?" and they would be stumped. because they were afraid to be wrong. afraid to think for themselves. i started working on videos when i went to community college in florida. my teacher was very into Laurie Anderson and John Cage. The whole destruction of obvious storyline --- that was a big inspiration. most 1970's video art was just stuff: colors and cameras being dragged through the dirt; with a few exceptions like Bill Viola, or Sanborn & Fitzgerald (i think they did the videos for the mid-80s King Crimson?). and i was into their work, because it had an emotional impact. So i carried that along into my own aesthetic . . . and often used visuals of women (the photos of robin that appear on the various covers are from the video i shot in 1985) to create a setting which would imply a storyline, but never provide one. this always leaves it up to the viewer to decide what it is about.

Walter Holland is a musician friend of mine. he sings and plays on mesmerized by the sirens and ashes in the brittle air. i think, in retrospect, that i was purposefully staying away from songs with words . . . when i worked on my videos. because i felt that it would be too difficult of a challenge. walter released his relativity album in 1986, and we were talking about ideas for videos. in '84 i did a video inspired by bill viola's the space between your teeth. and walter said "why don't you try to remake that video?" and we hit upon the idea of using my friend kathryn, who is a dancer . . . and i ended up creating a trio of videos around her dancing in a shoot i did.

the images are one way in which i imagine the music. "the lingering flicker" began with the story that accompanied the song . . . a girl who feels that suicide would be a way to torment her family and the people who never thought of her. with that in mind, i tried to find images that would convey her sadness and lonelines and isolation. along with some flashbacks to her past. i have my own feeling about the images, and i always hate to "define" them. but i really like the way she fades into the white at the end. not for that "religious" becoming one with the light crap. but i like the way she stares into the camera as if begging for help . . . and then just slowly looks away as she fades out.

after six years, my favorite piece is still faith, which is the only film i shot. it features miira, who is on the cover of mesmerized . . . and my friend dimitri. it is a religious problem: the priest who tempts the girl, and then blames her for being tempted. if i were to show only one piece . . . that would be the one.

terrace of memories began as vidna obmana's idea. he is a musician from belgium, who heard my music on a compilation tape . . . and asked if i would be interested in doing a collaboration with him. i think that it is a chance for me to explore my instrumental music, without having to face the "obligation" of a black tape for a blue girl album. terrace of memories is passionate and emotional; yet if i had called these instrumental music "black tape for a blue girl", i feel that people would expect the vocals and the heights of passion. and this is just something different. i am hoping to work on a second terrace of memories some day, with different collaborators. the first one was begun by vidna, so most of the underlying direction was his; while the 2nd one will follow my form more closely. so, when it happens, it will be different.

You and I basically agree on the same concept, though there are specifics where we seperate. I never thought of it as "jealousy" at a women's ability to create -- though perhaps that makes sense? Before Judeo/Christian times . . . there was equality. I couldn't say exactly when, because i do not know my history well enough. there was probably an attempt to seperate the sexes and down-play the women for many centuries before it exploded full-blown. but when the western god came along, the structure was male domination. the structure was to dominate all the people (male & female), to force them into submission to an imaginary being weilding imaginary power. Scapegoats were needed. obviously, the jews were useful scapegoats for a long time . . . but it was very easy to blame women for evil and sin. this metaphor has been repeated to the point where it is believed.

what do i think started it: the need to blame something for human faults. there is "the devil" who causes the overall problem. and "women" who brought it upon mankind, by yielding to temptation. but i always wonder about a god who theoretically creates beings, and gives them the facilities for rational judgement, and even creates the tree of knowledge to tempt them . . . and then throws a fit, when they use the things he gave to them. the early gnostics thought about this quite differently: that the tree of knoweldge was there, and when humans decided to eat the fruit . . . they proved that they were prepared to go out and live their own lives, free from the domination of god. they had proved their intelligence and their abilities. and this version of god respected their decisions.

in the song "we exist, entwined" (off this lush garden within) the feminine spirit remind the couple of their potential: that they can become whatever they want. and it is only the wrath of an impotent god, who tries to accuse them and blame them. they can become the gods, in a sense. "revel in your gift."

i feel that we have the potential to achieve what we desire. and i, just like everyone else, am sometimes afraid of this potential. first you imagine what you want, and for a little while you live in the euphoria that you will get it. but soon doubt settles in. and you begin to imagine all the potential problems and obstacles. and you lose hope. i try to imagine all the obstacles, and still retain hope . . . and still work towards what i want.

to the male/female problem: i think that we, as enlightened individuals, have to begin to tear away the trappings of religious domination that have infused this repression upon our society. 2000 years of brainwashing. we must understand equality, and carefully watch our actions. for example, one thing that really annoys susan is all the people who write letters to projekt addressed "dear gentlemen." it's a little thing, on the universal scale, and even something that doesn't bother me as much as it should. but susan says "i am not a gentleman! and this greeting implies that MEN are supposed to be in the workplace, and women are not!!!" and i guess it can begin at this level, all the way up to the subconscious way many men can not handle to have female bosses . . . it runs very deep.

No, there isn't a conclusion on this lush garden within to the first four albums. personally, i think that the first four albums work as a unit. a period of growth that begins with blind obsession leading to a deeper understanding of myself. it serves as a travelogue of six years of my life, and i can see where they lead to . . . which is a more balanced human, capable of love and understanding.

Right when i finished a chaos of desire i met susan. as a person, i was prepared to fall in love, and to be able to stay in love . . . rather than play games. it took a while to complete my growth. but i think this new-found stability, knowing that there was someone who i really cared for and who really mattered to me, was very important to what became the fifth album. at first, i was plagued with confusion. "am i supposed to write a happy album, now?" i felt a bit guilty about continuing to write darker songs (such as "decomposed by the fire of the firmament"). it took me a year of being in love and being very blissful, before i seriously began to work on music again. i personally need these long breaks, so i can feel there is something new to be said. i had written a lot in my journal . . . and there were many new themes and subjects that i had been thinking about, resulting from being in love. they weren't the cheery thoughts of a lover; things susan and i refer to as "happy/sad". the themes of the creation and sacrifice of life. the tightrope that most people fear to walk. the god who smothers his subjects. these thoughts were developed through my interaction with a lover who mentally pushed me forwards. but as i said, they weren't your typical "silly love songs." and the album that resulted isn't a lover's album, in the traditional conception.

musically, i feel that it enters a new territory. it is based a lot more around samples and strange rhythms. there isn't a true "instrumental" on it, though there are songs with some background singing that are nearly instrumental. i think that it explores subjects that are less about one individual's tormenting obsessions and more about ideas that could be universal.

those are what i call "stories" -- very short, i'll admit. the idea began on the rope. i had a lot of things written, that really couldn't become lyrics . . . because they would be too awkward. so i just placed them with instrumentals. on the rope, the placement was relatively random . . . except for "slow blur", which i felt told the story of the video. but they were NEVER intended to be lyrics. they are stories, that provide a little thing to think about when the music is on. or better yet, just read all the words (as if a collection of stories), and then put them away and listen to the music. on this lush garden within, there was a lot of attention paid to which story went with which song. Susan had written the words to "overwhelmed, beneath me" . . . and what happened was this: I wanted to create a song to segway between "we exist, entwined" and "this lush garden within", which were already completed. i had already decided on their placement in the album, but felt that those two needed a buffer, something softer and more feminine between them . . . so i wrote the music based around the big sample, with the idea that lucian would sing wordless lines over it. Ryan came over and added his guitar part. then i began to think about what lucian would sing about. in "we exist" the snake-instructor tells the couple that they can go out and experience and live a full life . . . on "this lush garden" they are faced with the beautiful realization that they have created life. in between, i realized that susan's words expressed something beautiful about the passion these lovers felt. and i decided they would be just right there . . . and i had lucian read them, before we recorded her vocals -- to inspire the mood. this process was quite different from the rope, when i just put a story with an instrumental, after the fact.

in florida, i used to make a fanzine. after a while, i took the punk ideal to heart and said "hell, if the flock of seagulls can make music, so can i!!!" and bought a cheap radio shack/moog syntheszier. i made electronic music for about three years, before i moved to california and began the creation that became the rope.

your questions often deal with goals or reasoning for doing things. i think that what i tell you is often an after-the-fact rationalization . . . because often there was no clear reason why i did things. i began projekt in 1983, just for fun. to put out a cassette of local florida electronic bands. i certainly didn't forsee that i would be doing it a decade later. i wanted to be a journalist and write stories for The Miami Herald! not make music. my goals were non-existent. i put out a cassette and it sold 30 copies, and i was satisfied.

now, i have a direction; but still no goal. i want to release the music that i like, and have people who would like the music hear it. it's only been in the last six months that i have faced the fact that Projekt isn't just a hobby . . . but a real entity. i stay home, and have fun (and stress!). i put out music i like, and people get to hear it. it's hard to face the fact that it is a "job." it still doesn't have that "corporate" goal-oriented feeling.

But, as a businessman, i can say "yes, i think that this music has appeal outside of its own specific genre." and the advertising lets everyone know, so they can decide if they want to give it a listen. this is the desire of most artists: to have people experience their work. i mean, LYCIA could be releasing cassettes on his own in arizona, but it is much better for him as an artist to have his music on Cd and available around the world. but this Commoditization (if that is a word) of his album doesn't alter the integrity of the work. it just means that more people will hear it.

I feel that tradional "Gothic" faded out with Bauhaus. I personally think that the guitar/bass/drum/vocal goth sound is no longer really viable . . . because there are very few artists doing anything new in that genre. but i feel that Projekt music is picking up the threads, and heading in new directions. That is why i use the phrase "gothic ambient" to imply something different. but that is just a marketing term . . . and as a business, you need to use those sorts of terms. I feel that there is the possibility that more people can get into the sound of my bands, that would be great! because the more people hear it . . . the further the art is being spread. and as i said, the point is to have the music heard. i find that if a hundred people listen to my music, only a certain amount will REALLY understand and relate to my words. which means that a lot of people need to hear it, before you find people who really get into it.

the thing about grunge is that it is a noisy derivative of pop music . . . in the same way that The Jesus and Mary Chain and The Cure are pop bands, who came from a different direction. but that is (for the most part) not the case with Projekt bands . . . and certainly not the case with black tape for a blue girl. So i kind of doubt that there would be much commercial radio success for me. Now, if this were 1975, and "album rock" was still a viable format . . . then they could play my music. When i was a kid, they would play twenty minute songs from Yes, or some obscure song by The Strawbs . . . because the listeners were willing to experiment. but commercial radio won't do that anymore. So i probably won't be hitting Casey Kasem's chart anytime soon!

as far as the mail-order goes, i think that the music does appeal pretty equally to both male and female. but i think that i get more personal letters, and feelings of "i thought that" from men.

Sassy's little story did get some response . . . and a lot of positive and negative comments from Projekt's regular customers. some pople said "it's great that Sassy has recognized your work" and others said "It's awful that those trendy Sassy bitches are reading about you." I find it very sad, when people will instantaneously put down a million (plus) people in a single shot. it's really unfair. so, i tend to side with the people who find it a positive thing.

when that time comes, i'll tell you! seriously, i seem to do this continuously. when i am not working on projekt, then i am probably enjoying myself. going to my favorite Thai restaurant or chasing the cat around the house. Vidna Obmana (the cat!) is a full-feldged member of our little family!

---

"i see this lush garden within
your womb like the center of the earth
the origin of all.

i see our love reside temporarily
a universe of me rushing to become one
with a universe of you"

this lush garden is the origin of beauty. the origin of love & the creation of life -- and because of the choices available to us, the termination of life as well. it is as if i have been born a new within the discovery of love & understanding.

searching beneath the male-female stereotypes to discover the beautiful feminine spirit - which has survived two thousand years of neglect and mistreatment. the destruction wrought by the 2000 year misogynist tradition that has drained the world of passion and understanding. replacing it with death and isolation. i think my work has always touched upon what could be called the feminine within the male spirit: that side which feels pain and understands the intuitive connections that can be made between those who are not afraid to let down their defenses and face the fearful uncertainty of love.

"they raped all that was good, all that was charmed
smothering this beauty.
their mispeception which ties my fles with rusty stakes and leaves you to die, broken enrapturous entrancing at my feet."

lucian on female vocals, oscar on male vocals and myself on electronics and vocals. with a few guests.

within this isolation and despair, i was forced to face my inner self. forced to come to terms with who i had become and how far that really was from what i wanted. desperate obsessive love was my tormentor, as i longed for that which i could not have. the music began, as i flailed within my thoughts -- and this core was the origin of my search (through music) for my sources of truth.

this internal struggle yields rich personal insights. in letters i receive, people tell me they have felt equally intense moments -- and it is satisfying to realize that we are not alone in these pains and desires. by searching on the personal level, i create something that seems to have a very universal connection with others.

the first two albums had a lot of anger and bile, directed at those who i accused of causing my pain. ashes in the brittle air was a period of discovery: realizing that love could not be TAKEN from those you desired, but must be given. and must be lost, too. every so often, i feel like a veil has been removed from my eyes and i suddenly see my actions so much more clearly. yet by the time of a chaos of desire, i was once again reeling with turmoil. that period saw even stronger exploration -- as i tried to find WHERE the source of the pain lie: within others or within myself.

from kafka, i made the realization that we each EMPOWER our fears -- we permit them to hold sway over us, by respecting them as worthy of being feared. we create boundaries for ourselves, often because it is easier to NOT do what our hearts desire . . . rather than risk the failure we see as imminent. i created a character in my book (molten desire and mothers milk seeps droplets -- hopefully i'll finish it this summer), who i refer to as "the man at the door." he is stuck in inaction, because he quickly sums up the logical outcome of every choice he might make -- and realizes that they all are futile. he is weighted down by (what i feel is) a false belief that there is a pre-ordained DESTINY, which has already charted our life for us. I feel this is nonsense! If there was such a thing as a 'god' why would it spend so much time charting out every person's destiny? that would be a pretty mundane game for it to be playing.

in "on broken shells of crystal dreams" (from the new cd) i ask:

"how can i pray to this cruel god who averts his gaze?
how can i believe in a god who creates puppets and sheep?"

as human's we must reject the concept of FATE and accept that we are given FREE WILL. and we are wasting our lives, if we try to be docile and safe in order to enter the kindgom of heaven. it seems so obvious! religion is an outdated tool to smother originality and life. why do people strive so intently to live passionless lives? why don't they strive for the pain that will unleash their inner selves . . . revealing their heart so they can fully accept pleasure when it happens to come their way?

now, these elements are all within the new cd. this lush garden within is the result of love . . . and a whole new array of questions and uncertainties born of this passion.

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